Hide your kids, hide your husband, cause Chandler is driving...

Okay, so I'm gonna tell a story that I've never told on my blog before
....picture Chandler at 13 years old. It seems really young but he was the size of a full grown man which might have impaired my judgement on the day in question.
We were in the process of moving from a rental house to my mothers house across the street.  And btw, worst move ever...I'd rather pack all my shit in a giant truck and move it all at once.  I know we made 56982 trips across that street with small things.
Sorry got off track....so I ask Chandler if he would like to drive the van into the driveway, I mean he might as well learn sometime...right?
Obviously, today was NOT that day but I went with it anyway.  We had the back of the van open because it had a 100 year old vanity/dresser in the back.
He got behind the wheel, put his left foot on the brake and his right foot on the gas.  I nearly blew my groceries just from that action. I promptly explained that we only use our right foot to drive. Totally didn't get that memo!
So he puts the van in drive and he really didn't have to put his foot on the gas as the van does about 5 miles per hour without you touching the gas. He turns into the driveway, everything looks fine....then we heard a giant thud, to which we both turned around to find that one of the drawers of the vanity had fallen out of the van onto the driveway.
Well by the time I turned back to face the front of the van, we were veering off into the yard a bit, so I scream, "Stop the van!" To which Chandler, slams his giant hoof down on the gas pedal, mows down a giant shrub, then plows that van into the corner of our house.  Oh and did I mention, that I was in the passenger side which was now under the corner of the house. Yep, all I could think was that I was about to die, because it was into our garage, there really wasn't anything holding the roof up now but my van, my head and my new convertible robins egg blue VW beetle that he missed by
a millimeter of an inch.
It was at that very moment that I realized Chandler would not be a good candidate for any type of crisis situation (ie: Zombie Apocalypse, car accident, drive by shootings, etc.)...I really already knew this about him from the time my mom bleed out on our white carpet but had totally forgotten that until now. Chandler jumps out of the van, with it still in drive mode and screams....

Chandler:  OMG Mom I just hit the house! OMG, what are we gonna do. I've tried to kill you! Are you bleeding? Mom! Answer me!
Me:  First, you are gonna calm the hell down, then I'm gonna put the van in park. But I want you to go get Mimi right now!

Well, he couldn't really hear me so well, what with all the girl screaming that he was doing but I did manage to crawl across the middle console and out of the van before the house crushed me to death. Chandler did  make it into the house, down the hall, and into my mothers bedroom.  Only to scream, "Mimi, come quick! I killed Momma!'"
My neighbor saw the whole thing happen and he came running over to help. But I was in so much shock that we had just murdered our rental house 1 week before moving of it.  I mean, what are the odds people?  The van suffered 5000.00 dollars worth of damage and the house suffered the same...it's funny now but was really not funny when it happened.
I remember saying to him that day, "Baby, in a few years this will be a hoot. But for today, you're just a little bit freaked out."

Now onto a couple weeks ago which was right before his 16th birthday...I came home from work and told him to get his 1 pm still sleeping crackhead ass out the bed and lets go practice driving. He turned white and was all, "I can't drive. I tried to kill you and a house!' I tried to remind him that that actually took place when he was 13 but he wasn't buying it.
I did manage to get him into our black VW hardtop beetle and to the Big Lots parking lot....he got out, got in the drivers seat....

Chandler: Mom, why are you making me do something that you know I'm afraid to do.
Me:  Cause not being able to drive will cripple you for life and you will always have to depend on someone else to drive you around. Which make you someone else's burden. Don't be a burden!
Chandler:  I can't do this, I just can't!
Me:  The hell you can't. Unless you are gonna live in New York city where you can walk everywhere
and you don't actually need a car, you are doing this!
Chandler:  I like New York...I'll just do that.
Me:  (thru gritted teeth) Put the car in drive.
Chandler:  Okay, but I'm not gonna put my foot on the gas.
Me:  That's fine, today we will just learn to steer and press the brake.

So for the next 45 minutes we rode around that parking lot a steady speed of 3 miles per hour, which was a lot like watching paint dry. But seeing the smile on his face 5 minutes later was priceless for me.  Favorite parenting moment ever!
We are now two weeks into practice driving and I'm glad to report that he is actually pushing the gas petal now.  Which makes for some pretty good talks while telling him all the dumb shit I did when I first starting driving.
I hope this will get him completely over the Panic Throttle incident he had at 13 years old. And we gave him the black beetle for his birthday....he loves that car now.